Your Dirty Girl hasn't been around much lately and I'm missing my friends here at Gutter, too. I have gotten some great fan mail in the past few months. I am always happy to respond. I have also created a fan page on Facebook so my fans can get a regular dose of content with my spin. The reason I haven't been around much lately is simple. 

I met a really great guy!

I do hope you can be as happy for me as I am for me. I've certainly had my share of not-so-great guys over the years and even guys who were horrible. Mostly, however, I've spent a great deal of time with guys who just weren't quite right, for whatever reason. And I knew it deep down inside, like most of us usually do. But this time is so different. I'll share a few details, but I'm a little superstitious about saying too much.

First of all, he's not from around here. And by here, I mean Baltimore. Yes, he's lived in Charm City for a few years, but he was born and raised in South America. Many of the guys I've found myself with in the past few years felt one step removed from being a cousin because of all the friends we had in common or the people we knew. My guy is an undiscovered country to me. I don't have to suffer through those awkward conversations at Paper Moon on Sunday when one of our exes walks in with their new breakfast partner. Nobody knows my guy. And I don't know any of the women he's been with prior to meeting me. It's almost like hot virginity--almost!

I do find it funny how many of my former boyfriends and lovers just keep falling out of the trees lately (figuratively, thank heavens!) now that I'm with a really good guy. This week alone I've heard from four of them. All I can say is, "Sorry guys, I'm taken." Boy does that feel good! They will have to learn to live with the disappointment of not having me at their beck and call.

It seems a little bit ironic that the new man in my life would arrive at a time when Arizona is passing all this wacky anti-immigration legislation. It has given us a lot to talk about (he's here legally, Tea Baggers!!!) over dinner. I love hearing his perspective as someone who came to this country with nothing but love and respect for it. Yet because of his thick Spanish accent, I'm sure he's gotten more than a few sideways glances. Frankly I'm just happy he got here before it becomes impossible to come here legally and stay.

So, while I'm very happy and not talking too much about that, I will continue my dialog on other things sexy and funny for your reading pleasure and my writing pleasure. And I thank you for your continued support, no matter how gooey I get while I drown in a river of happiness. 

This morning after reading a young man’s sexual resume on one of my favorite websites, Nerve.com—written like an actual resume—I decided to do the same. And then I thought the better of it.   

At the age of 23, he’s had a mere handful of sexual experience, including his hands (there were some four years filled with masturbation-only experience). My sexual curriculum vitae makes me seem more like some kind of sexual researcher, than simply a sexually-experienced person. So I decided to turn my “resume” into more of a functional-styled document that highlights my special skills and experiences. And it doesn’t give away numbers. I don’t share numbers with anyone.  

I could start with my first masturbatory experiences. Honestly, I don’t know how many women started masturbating at the age of 13 and did it pretty much daily. Most of my girlfriends at the time talked more of wanting to kiss boys than figure how self-love could be just as fulfilling, if not more so at that age. While boys handled our delicate parts like they were excavating for dinosaur bones as they slobbered everywhere on our face but our lips, I figured out how to get off with a gentler touch—my own. Score one for me! My first orgasm happened at 14 with my own hands.