SNOMG! It’s Honey’s Top 5 items to cook during a Snowpocalypse.

Let’s face it, unless you live in Fell’s Point, Canton, or Federal Hill and had a plethora of bars to walk to, your ass was snowed in this weekend.  And what do we like to do when we’re snowed in?  We’re ready to throw down, stuff our faces, and grow curly tails.  Well instead of gorging on grocery store processed crap, I like to make my own comfort food.  So I thought I’d share some of my faves to make when it snows… (Yummies after the jump!)

1.   Simple Poultry Stock

You can never have enough of this shit in your freezer.  It’s also the jump off to some of the other favorites on my list, so first things first.  I could get all formal on you with the recipe I learned in culinary school, but really… it’s not that serious.  Here’s a good, get-the-job-done, easy version that won’t let you down.

Ingredients

* 5 lbs bird and bones (turkey or chicken...this can be leftover from dinner or I use fresh * turkey wings and/or thighs which are cheap and huge)
* 1 lb. yellow onions, skins on, halved or quartered depending on size
* 1/2 lb. carrots cut into 4" lengths
* 1/2 lb. celery stalks, cut into 4" lengths include leaves if attached
* 1/2 tsp. whole black peppercorns
* 8 sprigs parsley

* 1 or 2 bay leaves (optional)

Directions

In a 3-gallon stockpot, combine all ingredients and fill with enough cold water to cover ingredients by 3 inches when submerged. (about 6 quarts)

Bring to a rapid simmer over high (do not boil); reduce heat until bubbles barely break the surface. Simmer until flavorful, about 2-4 hours, skimming stock with a ladle every 30 minutes removing the foam.

Strain stock through a chinois (fine mesh sieve). Discard vegetables (I remove the onions and give the rest to the dog.) Remove meat from the bones and save for another use; discard bones. Let stock cool completely before refrigerating. Once refrigerated the fat will rise to the top and you can skim it off if you want. (To store, refrigerate for one week, or freeze up to 6 months.) Makes 6 quarts.

2.   Pennsylvania Dutch Chicken Pot Pie

Nooo, not chicken and veggies with gravy baked in a pie, but more like all the pie plus the dough cut in squares all cooked in one pot.  If you’re from the South, you may call this Chicken and Dumplings, but I ain’t from the Dirty Dirty, and where I come from (PA Dutch country obviously! Duh!) this is Chicken Pot Pie.  Actually the real Pennsylvania Dutch name in Deitsh for the dish is “Bott Boi” and is routinely mispronounced as Pot Pie by the local English speakers. Yeah, my family was inclusive of the dumbasses. *sigh*

Ingredients

* 2 qts. water

* One 3 to 3 ½ lb. chicken

* 1 celery rib

* 1 medium onion

* 1 medium carrot

* 1 bay leaf

* salt and pepper to taste

* 2 medium onions, thinly sliced

* 2 medium potatoes, cut into ¼ inch slices

* Pot Pie dough (see below)

* ¼ c. chopped fresh parsley

* 3 Tbsp. flour blended with 3 Tbsp. cold water in a cup

Directions

Cook chicken in simmering water with celery, carrot, 1 onion, bay leaf, salt and pepper until tender, about 1 hour. Remove chicken from broth. When cool enough to handle, remove chicken from bones, discard skin, and pull apart or cut into bite-size pieces. Strain the broth and skim off most of the fat. Taste broth for seasoning and add additional salt and pepper if needed.

Bring chicken broth to a boil in a 4-quart pot. Add the reserved chicken. Gradually layer the potpie dough squares into the boiling liquid, one-by-one, alternating with layers of the onion and potato slices, gently pushing down each layer until covered with the broth. Reduce heat and cover pot. Simmer, stirring gently on occasion to prevent dough from clumping together, until dough is thoroughly cooked, about 20 minutes. Stir in parsley, cover and simmer an additional 5 minutes. Add flour and water paste to thicken broth. Stir paste into broth very well to combine. Serve immediately.

Pot Pie Dough

* 2 ½ c. unsifted all purpose flour

* ½ tsp. salt

* 3 large eggs

* 1 Tbsp. cold water

Mix 2 cups of the flour with the salt, eggs and water. Work in enough of the remaining 1/2 cup flour to make a stiff dough. Knead about 10 minutes. Roll dough on a lightly floured surface into as thin a sheet as possible to about ¼” thick. (If you’re crafty, you can use a pasta rolling machine.) Cut into 2-inch squares. Set aside until needed. (Place in single layers and separate with waxed or parchment paper or that shit will stiiiick!!!)

3.   Baked Mac n’ Cheese (the fat ass or skinny bitch version)

There is no comfort food like mac n’ cheese.  Everyone has their own version that mama made.  At my house, the fat ass version is simple.  Make a béchamel sauce minus the nutmeg, drop a shitload of grated cheese in it, mix with slightly undercooked macaroni, and dump in a buttered baking dish and bake until brown and bubbly.  I’ve also been known to serve this version with a stewed tomato topping which is why I omit the bread crumb topping.  Another tip… talk to your local cheese monger… they always have fun suggestions of exotic cheeses that will melt well for you.  Get adventurous… it doesn’t always have to be Cheddar.  Add-ins are nice, too… truffle shavings, lobster chunks, etc.

Now recently, Honey has been watching her weight, but your gurl’s still gotta be able to taste the fabulosity.  Here’s a great way to fake out your tastebuds and get your mac n’ cheese fix without poppin’ the top button on those skinny jeans…

Skinny Bitch Mac n’ Cheese

Ingredients

* Cooking spray

* 1 lb. of elbow macaroni (I like Dreamfield’s low-carb pasta, and whole wheat works nicely, too.)

* 2 (10 oz.) packages frozen pureed winter squash, thawed

* 2 c. fat-free half and half

* 1 1/3 c. grated extra-sharp Cheddar

* 2/3 c. grated Monterey Jack cheese

* ½ c. part-skim ricotta cheese

* 1 tsp. salt

* 1 tsp. powdered mustard

* 1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper

* 2 Tbsp. grated Parmesan

* ½ leftover bagel or bread whizzed up in the food processor to make bread crumbs

* 1 tsp. olive oil

Directions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray a 9x13 baking pan with cooking spray. 

Bring a large pt of water to a boil. Add the macaroni and cook until tender, but firm, about 5 to 8 minutes.  Drain and transfer to a large bowl.

Place the squash and half and half into a large saucepan and cook over low heat, stirring occasionally and breaking up the squash with a spoon until sorta smooth.  I use a whisk.   Turn the heat up to medium and cook until the mixture is almost simmering, stirring occasionally. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the Cheddar, Jack cheese, ricotta, salt, mustard, and cayenne.  Pour cheese mixture over the macaroni and stir to combine.  Transfer the mac n’ cheese to the baking dish.

Combine bread crumbs, Parmesan and oil in a small bowl.  Sprinkle over the top of the macaroni and cheese.  Bake for 20 minutes.  Then broil for 3 minutes so the top is browned.

4.   Red Velvet Cookies

Miss Honey loves herself some Red Velvet cake.  But I, for one, can’t be trapped in the house during a snowstorm with an entire cake.  It would mean certain sudden diabetic coma, and no I’m not even diabetic, ya heard?  So here’s an easy way to have your cake, eat it too, and share some with the neighbors.  Plus it’ll make for excellent buttering up before you ask them to help you shovel out your car.

Ingredients

* 1 (8 oz.) brick cream cheese, room temperature
* 1 stick unsalted butter, at room temperature
* 1 egg
* 1 tsp vanilla extract
* 1 (18 oz.) box red velvet cake mix
* Confectioners' sugar, for dusting

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large bowl with an electric mixer, cream the cream cheese and butter until smooth. Beat in the egg. Then beat in the vanilla extract. Beat in the cake mix. Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours to firm up so that you can roll the batter into balls. Roll the chilled batter into tablespoon sized balls and then roll them in confectioner's sugar. Place on an ungreased cookie sheet, 2 inches apart. Bake 10-12 minutes. The cookies will remain very soft. Do not remove and let cool on cookie sheet for 10 minutes, then move to wire rack and let cool completely and dust with more confectioners' sugar, if desired. Yields 2 to 3 dozen cookies.

Variations: You can use any kind of cake mix. Some suggestions: French Vanilla or Devil's Food and maybe fold in peanut butter chips by hand just before chilling the dough? Just sayin’.

5.   Italian Wedding Soup

If I didn’t include something Italian, I would be denying my heritage.  This soup is so damn good, it’ll make you slap yo mama!  It’s a great option to make and freeze ahead in individual portions… then you can have that tedious deliciousness at a moment’s notice from the microwave when you have better thangs to do.

Ingredients

For the meatballs:

* 3/4 pound ground chicken
* 1/2 pound Italian chicken sausage, casings removed
* 2/3 c. fresh white bread crumbs
* 2 tsp. minced garlic (2 cloves)
* 3 Tbsp. chopped fresh parsley leaves
* 1/4 c. freshly grated Pecorino Romano
* 1/4 c. freshly grated Parmesan, plus extra for serving
* 3 Tbsp. milk
* 1 egg, lightly beaten
* Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the soup:

* 2 Tbsp. olive oil
* 1 c. minced yellow onion
* 1 c. diced carrots (3 carrots)
* 3/4 c. diced celery (2 stalks)
* 10 c. poultry stock
* 1 c. small pasta such as acine de pepe, orzo, tubetini or stars
* 1/4 c. minced fresh parsley
* 12 oz. baby spinach, washed and trimmed

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

For the meatballs, place the ground chicken, sausage, bread crumbs, garlic, parsley, Pecorino, Parmesan, milk, egg, 1 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper in a bowl and combine gently with a fork. With a teaspoon, drop 1 to 1 1/4-inch meatballs onto a sheet pan lined with parchment paper. (You should have about 40 meatballs. They don't have to be perfectly round.) Bake for 30 minutes, until cooked through and lightly browned. Set aside.

In the meantime, for the soup, heat the olive oil over medium-low heat in a large heavy-bottomed soup pot. Add the onion, carrots, and celery and sauté until softened, 5 to 6 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the chicken stock and wine and bring to a boil. Add the pasta to the simmering broth and cook for 6 to 8 minutes, until the pasta is tender. Add the fresh dill and then the meatballs to the soup and simmer for 1 minute. Taste for salt and pepper. Stir in the fresh spinach and cook for 1 minute, until the spinach is just wilted. Ladle into soup bowls and sprinkle each serving with extra grated Parmesan. Yields 8 servings.

If this seems like an intimidating pain in the ass, here’s some shortcuts:

Sometimes turkey sausage is easier to find than chicken sausage and it tastes just as good. And you can mix turkey sausage with chicken stock if that's what's available.  For the meatballs if I'm short on time, I will buy sausage and just add eggs and bread crumbs and don't worry about the other meatball ingredients. I used a sun-dried tomato sausage instead of standard Italian sausage once and it kicked major ass. Sooo good. So use your judgment and get creative! Sometimes I get all kinds of proactive and make my meatballs ahead of time, too, like the day before or whatever, and keep them in the fridge. You can freeze them, too. If you already have the meatballs made and stock ready, it's literally just sauté veggies, dump stock and seasonings, bring to a boil, add pasta, meatballs, and spinach....DONE.

So hopefully, I’ve given you some ideas for some good eatin’ when the white stuff is falling down and you’re stuck in the crib.  Oink, oink, bitches!!!  And when they have to remove a window after the storm to airlift you out of your house, it ain’t my fault!

— Our new food writer, Heather Hulsey is a domestic chef and baker, a formal chef-in-training, and a member of the American Culinary Federation, as well as a SERIOUS epicurean! Check in weekly for her musings on food. Follow Heather on Twitter @bmorehousehoney